Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
