from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
