a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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