How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
