please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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