areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
