How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
