he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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