I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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