yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
