I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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