i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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