using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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