It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
