So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
