How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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