I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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