I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
