life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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