He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
