Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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