Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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