I hope mine doesn't look like that
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
