summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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