What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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