you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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