when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I didn't notice because vodka
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
