my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
