just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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