her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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