my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
