naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
