you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
