I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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