that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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