Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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