I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
time to smoke my breakfast
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
