Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
