I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize