You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
