and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
