Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
