Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
