sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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