I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
