i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
