Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize