...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
