The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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