hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
