The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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