He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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