My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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