Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
