i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
