Do you still have your period?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
