i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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