Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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