its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
