she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
