The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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