New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
