please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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