That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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