funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
