At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
