I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
