My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
