dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
