I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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