Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
